I am the Wings

Sunlight in my eyes

2011-11-04T23:21:00.000-07:00

It is not easy being a witch.
Of course, I realize what a cliche that sounds like. Sure, witches are not burnt on the stake now. And in this age of Harry Potter, people actually think witchcraft is cool.
Ah how disillusioned they would be if only they'd dare to see.
You ask me, what does it mean to be a witch? To be a witch is to be completely aware. You'd see things in complete clarity, and sometimes this is not such a comfortable feeling.

Imagine running on the beach on a summer day, with all the might of the sun glaring down on you. If you're a normal person, you'd be a fool to do that without sunnies and sunscreen. If you're a witch, well sunscreen and sunnies just don't work on you honey.

That's what its like.

And that's why so few witches survive.

Magic is not about Spells

2011-11-03T06:04:00.001-07:00

Somethings you just have to know - not in your heart - in your gut.
Haha the overrated human heart!
The heart is fickle, as the old woman used to tell me. The heart can be willful, passionate, beautiful and sometimes powerful. But honest it is not.
No. For honesty you trust your gut feeling.

One day I asked the old woman to teach me a spell.
She said "You silly child...teach a spell? No one can teach that!"
"But..." I persisted. "You said I can do magic. I want to learn how"
She laughed. Then she gave me the greatest lesson of all.
"You want to learn something that you already know? A rose to me is a jasmine to you. Trust your guts - and it will find you... Magic is not about spells."

So it is not.

30 Days of Truth - Day 01 - Hate

2010-11-06T00:57:00.000-07:00

Day 01 is Something I hate about myself...

Certainly there are more than one. But I am only allowed one thing in 30 days. So let's see...

I hate it that I never know how to express myself.
Yes that's it. So often I let people misunderstand. Even the people I love. The people I was/am in love with. My friends. My family. Everyone. Just about the whole fucking world actually.

How do you get your point across without making a scene? In any case, making a scene never does get the point across does it? How do I stop my emotions get ahead of me when I want to make someone understand? I want to let my feelings show without making it seem too obvious or too intense...because I do feel things so intensely. If people knew how intense I feel I'm afraid they'd think I'm a freakshow. So over the years I'd cover it all up - and I got so good at it that I hide all the good stuff too - so that people see me as a detached robotic person. Ice princess is what someone called me. If only they knew that underneath the frozen exterior lies a desperate heart ready to melt.

And I hate all that. I wish I was normal. Like other people. Like people who can express their feelings so freely without fear of ridicule or sympathy. But I don't know how. And that's what I hate. So much. About me.

Sicko

2010-10-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

You make me sick
you tell me.
I stare at you then, shocked.
I am sick with love for you, you say
My heart stops each time I look at you
I smile, my eyes locked in to you
So, I say
now I am a disease.
A virus.
You reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
Yes. a disease is what you are
But I never want to be cured.
I stand tip toe and pull your face to mine.

Apology

2010-09-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

Please do not offer me
your heart
And please do not ask for mine
either.
For my heart is not mine to give anymore.

My heart will always beat for Him and Him alone.
Even if you were a saint
and He was the devil himself.

I am sorry.

Switched off

2010-08-28T04:41:00.000-07:00

She closes her eyes, her mind reeling with sights and sounds from the past.

Icy wind playing with a mop of wavy black hair on one winter morn
An unexpected question that was whispered almost shyly
A yellow petal slowly floating down in the morning breeze
A kiss that was not quite a kiss
A chance meeting of eyes
Uproarious laughter
Ice cream dripping
A soft touch
A guitar
A smile

Days that were so long ago. Memories buried but not quite abandoned. Lost hope. Lost love. Lost youth.

She feels her heart crack again. Must her heart torture her so? She does not want all those sleepless nights again. Does not want to begin seeing a certain pale face everywhere again.

She swallows. The radio is still playing that song. That's what started all this.

Since you came into my life
The days before all fade to black and white
Since you came into my life
Everything has changed

Biting her lip, she leans forward reaching for the radio- waiting - savouring one last memory.

And then
she switches it off. Dead. Just like her heart.

Last chance for Love

2010-08-17T04:17:00.000-07:00

No more fighting for me
my beloved enemy.

No more battles will I fight
With my heart as my shield
for it is dented and cracked.

Never again shall I strike
that deadly gaze
for my eyes become blurry
with tears.

Never again but this one last time,
as I go all in
for my final gamble.

Kiss

2010-08-14T02:57:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking what it would be like to kiss you.

I know that most people tilt their head to the right - but I tilt to the left. Will you? Right or left? Perhaps being left handed, you would tilt to the left. Finally a match!

Lower lip or upper lip?

Will you taste like chocolate? or wine?
or mint for that matter?
or - horror of horrors - nicotine?

And what will I taste like to you?

Stop!

2010-08-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

Stop smiling with me
like that please
Don't tell me how beautiful
I look everyday
And those flying kisses of yours
across the hallway?
Bad idea.
Oh and NO you are not allowed
to play with my hair.

You can't stop thinking about me?
I am your fondest wish?
Yes yes, I've heard it all.

Just
don't.

Unless you mean it...

Beautiful in your eyes

2010-06-26T03:39:00.000-07:00

You ask me how come
I get so beautiful each day
I smile
I do not know

Maybe you are slowly falling
in love
with me
Or maybe I am slowly falling
in love
with you
Or
maybe its both :)

වියෝගය

2010-05-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

සිහිනේ ඔබ සිටියා
රන් රුවක් සේ
මා හා සිනාසෙමින්
පුන් සඳක් සේ

සැඩ සුළඟට අසුවූ සේ
නිවී ගිහින් ඒ සිනා පහන් ටැඹ
දිවි මග පෙන්වූ සඳ කැන් නැත අද
මං මුළා වී මා මේ පාළු සසරේ

ඔබ ගිය තැන මට
යන්නට නොහැකී
මා සිටිනා දෙස
ඔබ හට එන්නට නොහැකී

අතීතයේ සිහිනේ මා කිමිදෙමි
ඔබේ රුව දැක සැනසෙමි
මල් දෙවැට අද්දර ඔබ මා අමතන දින
ඒ මල් යායේ හමුවෙමු පෙම්වත

Hurry back to me

2010-05-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

Missing you in the cold mornings when I feel like crawling under the quilt forever...
Missing you just after a hot shower, not having you wrap me in a soft towel and hug me to keep me warm...
Missing you getting pissed at me for distracting you from your work...
Missing you playing the guitar in the evenings...
Missing you complaining that you have lost your glasses again...
Missing your boyish sweet sweet smile...

Miss you so much!

Hurry back to me.

Demi God

2010-05-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

Bask in my adoration
standing straight and true
on my pedestal of faith

Accept my steady beating heart
that organ of eternal fire
And know that it
beats for you
and you alone

You and Me

2010-05-09T03:05:00.000-07:00

We do make an interesting couple don't we? (if I may say so myself! hah)
Your palm on mine fits so perfectly - as if we were made from the same mold. Maybe we are. Laugh all you want you cynical unbelieving adorable handsome atheist you! The incorrigible romantic in me will always believe in fate. Ka like a wind you would say. Yet you my dear are no gunslinger and I am glad. You are mine and mine alone.

Outside its raining and I want to run and feel the rain drops on my skin. Like you touching me. Giving me little shivers. I will run back into the house and wrap myself in a towel. Warm like your arms around me. Skin to skin and breath to breath. My fingers tangled in your wavy hair and your lips at my ear. Whispering promises that I know you mean to keep. But will you be able to darling? I care not for that - for I know you mean true.

I weep for Narcissus

2009-07-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected." -- The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

Did I see me when I saw you?
When I thought you're eyes were smiling,
Were they really?
Or was it simply that you thought the same
about mine?
Did we ever see each other
when we thought we did?
Will I ever know who you really are,
Will I ever see all that I truly need to see?

Rehani does it again! Plagiarism galore!

2009-07-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

Way to go girl! You have successfully done another copy-paste from another blog ! - again! and again, you have not acknowledged your sources.

This time, her source is this indian blog : http://ultraviolet.in/2009/06/15/no-sex-education-for-us-were-indian/.

Oh and by the way since Rehani will no doubt try to edit her post to include the source like she did last time, above are screenshots of her post: you can see there's no mention on the original what so ever.

Look Rehani, its all right to refer other sites, but if you're just going to copy paste some thing with controversial eye catching subject matter for you to cash up from ad sense - well thats just pathetic.

In case Rehani doesn't publish my comment...

2009-07-07T11:06:00.000-07:00

You know - just in case she decides to drop it.. In her latest 'controversial' post she goes on and on bashing Buddhism and its followers.
Just for the fun of it, and also, um because I had trouble crediting her with original thought, I did a google search on some of her post's exact phrases:
"exotic robes, shaved heads, style of worship"
"story of how Buddhism came to be is related to them as a fantastic, mystic legend. Books and films about Buddhism depict Buddha as the source of a great mystery."
These and more from :
http://www.harunyahya.com/buddhism01.php

"Buddha was silent about the existence or non-existence of God. It may be that since India was drowned in idol worship and anthropomorphism that a sudden step to monotheism would have been drastic and hence Buddha may have chosen to remain silent on the issue of God."
This bit is from :
http://www.islamawareness.net/Buddhism/gautam.html. Just replace 'India' with 'the world'.

It goes on and on..She calls Buddhism a 'FAKE' religion , but it is her that does copy-pasting from other sites without even acknowledging them. There is only one word for what shes done, and that is 'plagiarism'.

Dying inside to hold you!

2009-07-04T07:36:00.000-07:00

Party music.
Me in that light brown-goldish-beige dress.
Wore my hair down - all the way to my hips.
Night.
Friends.
Laughing.
Someone introduces you to me out of the blue.
You so tall!
With that devil-may-care smile.
Messy wavy hair.
You say my name
And I ...
Luv at first sight?!
:D

As you said later if our story was a song, it would be :
this!

The rain brings back sweet memories ...

2009-04-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

I was in the library. I was such a nerd those days. And of course I was hiding from you. Not because I didn't want to see you. Quite the opposite in fact.
It was raining cats and dogs that day. And me being the essentially melodramatic person that I am, was sitting near the window with it sort of a quarter open. Because I kinda liked the soft random pitter patter of rain drops down my neck. And I thought the thunder and lightening was kinda appropriate for the day - you know coz you were back. Well its hard to understand the connection I know - I've always been a bit weird that way... :)
Anyway I heard you come in. Of coz I knew it was you.. And you passed the window where I was sitting with my back to it, and you did two things that proved to me the validity of Butterfly effect :
First one : You were soaked ( why dont guys ever carry an umbrella? not cool enough?? geez) So you put your hands to your head, pushed back your hair (I know this because this is what you always do) and shook your self like a doggy - thereby splattering water everywhere else - everywhere including Yours Truly.

Second one: Droplets landed on my book and I turned to glare at you but fail miserably - so I just bit my lip and turned back to my book. You then hit your arm accidentally on the window and opened the damn thing wide open - thereby bringing down a gale inside in full force. The wind ruffled and dampened my hair and my bangs fell forward to my face. I was glad of this because I thought it would hide the tears that I thought were gonna come.

And then... You leaned forward and pushed those bangs away from my face.

My heart beat so fast that I thought the librarian would give me detention.

'Hi' you said.

So Lost

2009-03-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

He catches me by the hand and begins walking. Half running. I half run with him. Annoyed. Perplexed. Obviously he wanted to go some where away from all these people.

My room. He closes the door. Lock.

I'm confused.
"You want to be with me?" I ask. As in "You want to be with me???"

He takes both my hands in his.
"I want to be with you."

Stunned silence. Then, I narrow my eyes. "Do you love me?"

He makes a strangled noise. Rolls his eyes. I'm already forming a sarcastic retort for his lustful advances. To cover up how stupid I feel for thinking it was more than just lust. For wanting more. What a dimwit.

He says, "You're so lost you know". He shakes his head.

Tears sting my eyes. I try to be angry. Be mad.

Then he speaks.
"I love you. And I want you. So much that it hurts - metaphorically ... and literally"

Oh.

සොඳුරු නපුරු සුළඟ

2009-01-31T09:19:00.000-08:00

ඔබ සුළඟක් සේ මැයි
විඩාව නිවා දී සුවය සලසන,
එනමුත් යස අගේට තිබුණු කෙස් කළඹ
කඩා විසුරුවන ...

ආදරණීය සමනළයා වෙත

2009-01-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

ඉස්සර දවසක, මල් පිපුණු රන්වන් උදයක
මට මුණගැහුන ආදරණීය සමනළයෝ ...
පියාඹා යන්න මට නොපෙනෙන රටකට
සුමුදු සුකෝමල නුඹේ ඔය අත්තටු
බර වැඩියි මේ මගේ තනි හදවතට ...

දිවිමගේ දූවිල්ලෙන් විඩාවක් දැනුණු විට
නුඹව මතක් කර සිනා නගන්නම්,
පුලුවන් වෙලාවක රෑට හීනෙන් ඇවිත්
මගෙ කඳුළක් අරන් යන්න.

No greater pain than Betrayal

2009-01-04T08:04:00.000-08:00

In the movie 'The General's Daughter', there is a scene where John Travolta is questioning a Colonel whom he arrests for the murder of Captain Elizabeth Campbell. He (Travolta) asks him a series of questions.
"It was awful", the Colonel says and Travolta goes through a list of crimes,including Murder, Drugs, etc. To each one the Colonel replies, "Worse". Finally, he comes to rape.

Colonel - Worse.
Travolta - What's worse than rape?
Colonel - When you find that out, you'll know everything.

So what IS worse than rape?
Answer: Betrayal.

I have now come to realize this is true. There is indeed no greater pain than Betrayal.
You live your life inside your own personal world, which you make from the people that you love and whom you think love you back. And some of these people you trust with every fibre of your being. You'd trust them with your life. You think they would always be fair to you even though the outside world is mostly unfair. That is, after all, one reason that you have them in your personal world.
And then, you realize that their love and loyalty for you was just an illusion. Everything was a lie. This is when, the world as you know it - crumbles. Where would you go? To whom?
There is no justice in this world. You live your whole life thinking that on the whole, if you're a good person, good things will happen to you.
This is what religion teaches after all. But maybe all religions are crap. I don't know ... Maybe the truth is that the World is a bitch. And maybe Jack Sparrow was right.
"Take all you can. Give nothing back"

What I want for 2009 ...possibly a wishlist :)

2008-12-25T06:22:00.000-08:00

1) I want people to do their jobs. I dont want favours. I dont want special treatment. Just do what you're paid to do. What? Oh ok. I 'll do your job as well. Just make sure to tell HR dept. to deposit your salary into my account.

2) I want people to return what they borrow. I have lost certain valuables this year, and they cannot even be bought. Also if you borrow an expensive sari for a wedding, please WASH the mud that you splattered before you return it.

3) I want trishaw drivers to charge ethically. I DO NOT like it when they ask for 100/= to go the Colombo uni thurston road entrance from Queen's road.

4) I want Swarnawahini to STOP that stupid program Loving Star.

5) I want silly parents not to send their teenage daughters to Loving Star.

6) I want hair dressers to charge their customers fairly. Nowadays if you dont ask the price of your hair cut/iron/blow dry explicitly BEFORE the procedure these people think they can charge you double.

7) I want politicians to go and camp out in the parliment. Permenently. This would stop the traffic in Colombo when they close the roads to make way for their highnesses.

8) I want to be able to use a pair of shoes at least 6 months. Especially if it cost me more than 1000/=

9) I want ODEL not to sell 1000/= tops that bleed colour in uneven patches when washed.

10) I want shop assistants in department stores not to stalk me menacingly while I walk around trying to decide what to buy.

There it goes. Arguably all of these are things that I personally want and not selfless and idealistic things like 'World peace' or 'love for all' or some such thing. But then I daresay at least half of these wishes would contribute to peace and love if granted!

FB thinks it knows about my love life

2008-11-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

Been thinking a lot about love lately..
Actually one of me friends said this blog is not HAPPY. Yeh well maybe I'm not happy. Maybe I'm just naturally depressed/bipolar/borderline whatever.

So maybe I'll just talk about my love life (or lack of it these days) and try to put it in a feisty tipsy way.

Something really weird occurred to me today. I seem to be falling for the same guy over and over. Not of course literally (that would imply I'm emotionally damaged). I mean it seems to be the same story. Like, 'same shit - different day' thing.

And there are some weird similarities with the Prince Charmings too. For example all 3 guys that I've had V. strong feelings (excluding crushes) were all :
a)eldest
b)had a baby sis more or less the same age as me
c)mostly geeky (but in a sweet way)
d)very tall (in SL standards)
e)into sci fi
d)obsessed with vehicles (i mean not just cars, but anything with a motor and wheels)
e)could never bring themselves to call me by my nick

Bizarre.

But this is soo not what FB tells me tho. According to the most popular social network of all time-
What kind of guys do you attract - I attract Yuppy Puppies.!!
soo not. I mean ew. Yuppy puppies? Gross.
Not to be politically incorrect but I'd rather a jeans & T shirt guy anyday. Sheesh! stupid FB.

Oh and I don't attract yuppies either. Not one Yuppie has asked me out anyway. Well only 3 has ever officially asked me out (only 1 from the Price Charming list I fear, and I said no - don't ask why )which I guess is kind of sad. I mean guys seem to ask girls out on a weekly basis.
But then again I haven't asked out any guys either. which is also sad. Coz that means I'm socially oppressed and reactive. Which is not what i wanna be..I wanna be Self Actualized and Pro Active.

What I am, i think, is Confused.

Remembrance

2008-10-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

Memories...
Rain always brings back memories for me. A rainy day is a day of Remembrance.

Soaked wet school uniforms all muddied...
Playing with paper boats, looking at the little boats disappearing down the drain...

Listening to the sound of rain falling ...
Drinking hot chocolate curled up in my bed ...
And

You!

Trying to be a Girl

2008-10-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

One of the constant struggles I have in my life is trying to be who I am. Or rather, trying to find who I am, and then being that person who ever she is.

Does that make any sense?

Anyway, I've had issues with gender labeling ever since I was really young. I mean, I totally did(do) not agree that girls should learn to cook and boys shouldn't. Which is not to say that I do not like cooking. I do! And the fact is I even like sewing, and am even good at all those stitching.

But I also like 'Guy' labelled things : computers, sci-fi, video games, math (why this is a 'guy' thing is beyond me)...
Does that make me less of a girl?

When I was a teen, I sometimes tried so hard to fit in by trying to be like what my other girl friends were like : develop a crush on a blond boy band member (aka Nick carter), wear multiple colours of nail polish, wear pink clothes, gossip, read Sweet valleys, watch 90210 blah blah blah

And then later, I got sick of everyone telling me what I should do and what I couldn't do. For example, I distinctly remember being enraged at a another girl at school saying as a matter of fact that boys are better at Math.
So I got rid of all the pretense and rebelled against the stereotype by being the total opposite: Wear black, no skirts, distance myself from girl-cliques, stop reading romance, etc.

But I have realized that in the process of rebelling against the 'Girl' image, I have also lost something of myself.
For after all, I AM a girl :) So what if I don't like to gossip and am a notoriously bad flirt? (bad at flirting but good at seduction apparently (!), still don't understand how that might work? ). And while I may not wear frilly skirts, it's still possible to look hot in jeans.
And I do have a female heart...that I know now...and I can love with reckless abandon without feeling that I am doing something irrational.

The important thing is I have stopped letting other people dictate what I should/ should not be. I do not need to conform to a model, or rebel against one. I just need to be the girl I am.

Eclipse of the Heart

2008-08-22T07:39:00.001-07:00

Once upon a dark dark night
A sweet sweet light I saw
When I looked up to where it came
Up above a moon did glow
Moonlight flooded and filled my heart
And I know not where or how I danced
Through the dreaming towns and silent woods
I walked the path my moonlight showed...

My moon shines still
But in another sky than mine.